I reply to lengthy email questionnaires, sign up for junk at super-market sample stations, mail in box tops or cool-aid packets, donate blood AND run (okay mostly walk now) 5K races all for T-shirts. Given my weakness for them-I was thrilled to know the good people at Karatedepot.com sent me an email saying I could have a FREE T-SHIRT if I posted a link to their online store in my blog. OF COURSE I WILL DO IT----A FREE T-SHIRT IS UP FOR GRABS! Honestly, this "Martial Art" post is long over due. I have internally wrestled with this for going on 6 years next month. In December of 2004 while unloading cakes and pies of all things, from my car, a stranger (Hence forth known as Crack Head) crossed the street in front of my home, ran down the drive leading to my car where myself and two friends were unloading goods for a CHRISTMAS PARTY... put a 9 millimeter in my neck. He said one thing over and over "Give me your purse! Give me your purse! Give me your purse!" Thinks are still a little blurry but I think he wanted my purse. No one was injured. The ordeal lasted less 3 minutes I think. I don't know. I gave him my organizer containing check book, multiple credit cards and $78.00 cash. He took the money and ran like the ski mask wearing, jobless- coward he is. For the next few weeks-people would ask me about it-I would tell and re-tell the story always adding a couple of key pieces of information. 1. I am just thankful my friends are okay. 2.I am thankful no one was hurt. I would verbally reassure people that I knew this would eventually help me help someone. Some good would eventually come from this experience. Okay so that's me, trying to say the right thing-wanting to believe the right thing. I wasn't lying to people-I was trying to help them be okay with what happened-so that I could be okay with what happened. Six years later and having gone through a lot of "learning experiences" that are still on the "this will eventually help someone and good will eventually come from this" shelf, and having the complete freedom to be honest here on my very own blog-I will tell you this- 1. Although I WAS thankful my friends were okay and I WAS happy no one was hurt, I DID NOT see how anything good could come from this experience. Nor did I wish to be the one who "got the chance to use this experience to help someone". I would never have wished this on anyone-no matter what lesson could be learned. I certainly wouldn't have wished this on MYSELF! Are you KIDDING? I was afraid-and mad (not angry, mad. I mean angry is what you are at your children or your spouse. Mad is what you are at the person or people who hurt you or your children or your spouse-it's way way less controlled-it's way way more powerful and it's way way more honest.) And for the first and only time in my life I felt week and stupid. I worried constantly-I was actually even made fun of by an X-Friend (talk about one of those experiences that could be used to help someone wow! it's still on the shelf too) for not "getting over it". I tried. I did well publicly-but internally I was very afraid.
By August (8 months later) I was convinced the Crack Head knew where I worked and would one day show up in the parking lot to kill me. (I know it's crazy talk. I'm just being honest here) The fear was just about to take over......Enter the Ninja.... No, seriously...I'm not kidding. 6 years after the event-I make a few honest statements leading to this whole "ninja thing" 1. I still have anger (notice it is now anger, I am no longer mad) 2. I still wish it had never happened (not just to me and my friends-but I wish that for our families.) 3. Only this week am I starting to accept the possibility that this experience could actually be beneficial to someone. (it's been 6 years) 4. If my experience is going to help someone I am going to have to be honest about it. And that is what I am doing here. I just realized by pretending I was okay with it all (and I wasn't) I might have been putting un-fair pressure on someone else to "be okay" with what they were going through. (not helpful) and 5. I am honestly not afraid now. In the fall of 2005 I took a few self-defense classes from Chuck Williams a friend and security director at church. His classes focus on helping women who have been abused or have experienced a scary situation like mine. I have so much respect for Chuck. You know before I said one of things I felt after the mugging was week and stupid? I still recall what I was wearing the day Chuck said "you were smart girl" when I explained what I did when the attacker told me to get in my car to get my purse. As trivial as that sounds-that Thursday night in the gym at HP as Chuck reassured me I had done the smart thing by not getting into my car as commanded-I gained a bit of my self back. For that I am honestly thankful. A few weeks later I checked out a different style of self defense. A non-competitive style called Ninjutsu. Being the peace-loving hippie chick I am, I found the aggressive-tough guy environment a little over-whelming at first. When I say over-whelming I mean-I was in awe of their level of cool. I came and watched a few classes and thought to myself "I don't want to get to that level-I just want to feel stronger" About a month ago-I realized I am now at the level I thought was unattainable. I only say that to make a point. The point I make is this: For me, taking self defense is not about the belt color or rank I attain (it was never about that). It was never about competition. And for 4 years or so it wasn't even about telling anyone I train. For me it was mostly about the outfit- I mean seriously- Ninjas wear really cool outfits.. Seriously tho, for a while it was about ME-getting my head back-believing that everything was in fact going to be okay. Now, I am starting to think it might actually be about helping someone else...Like if I can go through this thing-and end up stronger and braver-someone else, even someone who has been through much much worse, can be okay too....And honestly, it's a little bit about the clothes. Now....send me my t-shirt!
For more information about ninjutsu check out this article http://www.examiner.com/cultural-events-in-jackson/ninjas-the-hub-city or look up Our Facebook Page
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