The Art within

If you just want My Personal Boot Camp stats and facts- click here.
If you like my chatty way of telling a story and you wanna know more about the experience from a personal view please continue reading. Thanks very much.
…Thursday May 5th, 2:20 am- That is when the current sketch was done. (I think that is the correct date-I’d have to ask someone to be sure-but for now let’s go with it.) It was the morning of my second day in YMCA Boot Camp. (hence the boots)I often sketch what is on my mind, then again, I often DO NOT sketch what is on my mind-I didn’t snap a picture of it but on that same page are multiple tall buildings and multiple tiny people on top of those buildings..…sure that has some creepy meaning or something-but whatever…boots..sketching…boots and a tent at 2:20 am…couldn’t sleep, filled with dread. And fear..yep-there said it. I was experiencing fear of Biblical proportions…in fact-one might say “I was SORE afraid”. I said it was the morning of my SECOND day of Boot Camp-I had already been to one such class the day prior and mustering up all my will to live-had in fact completed the 42 minute class…why then, knowing I could make it thru what promised to be the toughest workout available-do I feel so consumed by this…unrest, dread, nausea….ughhhh fear….???? (I hate fear) I’m not even being dramatic here followers and friends-I sat on the little couch wide awake-sketching by hall bathroom light….internally at war with my decision to accept a friend’s challenge. I had already committed to do this thing-so the war was pointless, the fear was pointless, the staying awake was even MORE pointless-once committed-I was "ALL IN" even if it killed me-the nerves were making a very valid point..."How did you get here? What possessed you to do this? You are good with "okay". What are you trying to prove? You are no athlete-and this aint Biggest Loser...." (yes ahh that's correct I always thought "If the girls didn't have to weigh in in half shirts I would soooo apply to Biggest Loser...and yes. Win." :)
The answer:
I think deep down I just knew I needed to move on-to take on a little more.
Three days prior to that looooong night-while me and Lucy finished our Monday workout (which was no slacker-style hang out, lift a few light weights, walk on the treadmill 20 minutes and go have a smoothie-kind of workout I might add…when I come to the gym…I come to get down. I mean-ear buds in (kinda sorta “stay away from me-I’ll half wave if I feel you are “safe” enough but please give me a few months to make that decision and please PAH-LEASE-UH! Don’t stop and talk to me stranger-who I only know by site-don't even know your name…then I have to take the ear buds out…and I might or might not want to pause the song and it might throw off my keeping time with how long this set took compared to last time…and my focus will be off for the rest of the workout…OOOORRRR… I will actually WANT to talk to you-but I only have a certain amount of time and if I DO stop to chat I will have to skip something I came here planning to do…meaning the check mark will not be made…etc etc and so on…see? No talking people.) So..we were finishing our workout and one of the few (I mean very few) friends at the gym is talking to this intimidating  director/workout guru gym person about….you guessed it, BOOT CAMP! So yes---one thing leads to another and before you know it a challenge was made. Always up for a challenge and often unaware of physical limitations while not being physically limited... and finding this particular friend highly respectable as far as fitness and healthy lifestyle goes….I said yes before I could help myself. Lucy too.


On Wednesday morning-the first day for me, it was raining so boot camp was held in the gym. Nothing any person who received a public school education hasn’t seen or done before-no tight ropes to balance upon, no rings of fire to jump thru-nothing crazy…just constant-repetitive coach driven exercise-lots and lots of core strengthening drills, lots and lots of basic calisthenics (jumping jacks, lunges, squats, push ups FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY-there were push ups!) and even though my muscles burned and my head sort of swam and the sweat did pour…I was “in” game face on-determined to complete the task…and then there was a bit of cardio worked in. By a “bit of cardio” I mean a LOT. OF. CARDIO. None the less-the 42 minutes passed and I was still alive. Along with the others in class. (this is key-there were others doing the same things as me-and THEY ALL LIVED TOO) I recall the satisfaction now and it makes me smile. Big.
As I sat quietly sketching and worrying about the pending workout and the workouts that would certainly come on regular basis for the next 4 weeks (side note I signed up for 4 weeks and stayed for nearly 3 months and am still alive to write this post) I prayed. I am NOT KIDDING…I did. I prayed-thankful for the opportunity-thankful for the new excitement I had about this never before attempted personal goal and I prayed real honestly about the fear. The fear of failing, the fear that my 100 year old knees would not allow me to finish (also failing in my mind), the fear of letting my workout partner down,(a different kind of failure but failing another person-wow-even worse than failing yourself. Am I right? yes, yes you are Amber Kail. Thanks.)  and to be real honest-the fear of running so much I would throw up right there in front of everyone. (Monumental FAIL! yes? yes!) There is a calm that comes after being just this honest with yourself-and after that calm came rest. And after that rest-came…..BEAT DOWN #2! But once again-42 minutes passed and then it was over-and once again I was proud and thankful and giddy. The kind of giddy I couldn’t express to anyone outwardly (lets be honest who among you would have understood? Anyone….?Anyone??? okay then…) I talked obsessively about it with Lucy and from time to time with another friend or two. And by “from time to time” I mean ALL. THE. TIME. Let's pause for a moment here and let me say a heart felt "Thank You" to friends and family and coworkers and strangers and that real nice farmer guy at the Farmer's Market who said I have a nice smile for which I also gave credit to Boot Camp at the Y. (haha I keed I keed) But Boot Camp did make me smile real big...A-LOT. and it still does right now as I wrap this up. I thank you all for sharing in my excitement or tolerating my excitement and I thank you for not making it clear which you were doing! I  Can’t help it-excited about it-want to talk about it-want others to be excited about it. Not my experience but excited about their own “I pushed and tried and puked and cried (umm yes, there were a few days in May I did throw up after class-just being honest-and ummm yes…I used to wonder why sometimes on Biggest Loser the contestants would break down and shed tears during a workout-I no longer wonder about that.)  It was perhaps the most rewarding experience I have EVER had at the Y. And I have been there several years and I have achieved some cool goals. People like to know numbers and statistics and we all like results when we exert this kind of energy. I am no different. So the first thing people ask when they are thinking about trying boot camp is:  “How much did you lose?”  so I will, for the record post my stats below.  But I will also say this- For me, personally, and I know I am a wackadoo-and if you have read this blog much you know that about me as well so it’s cool. But for me-more than what I lost-is what I gained thru this experience. Friendships, for those of us who started together and finished together, we have a cool “battle story” kind of bond-I love that. I have gained new passion for something that has been so important to my health these past 6 years-and honestly-I struggle now to admit-I had sort of just accepted as "gone". Wow! I didn’t even realize I missed it.  I have gained muscle and strength physically-both reflected in the stats you will find here . But also-I gained the WANT to be pushed-I mean it, I re-gained the desire to be challenged and inspired and it's really hard to graph those kinds of results. 
Lately there has been a bit of discussion regarding this "inspiration" and people who do inspire others. I sort of reject the notion that a person not seeking inspiration can find it in another. Like some other person has the power or magnitude to "fling achievement" onto innocent slacker-type bystanders. However, if a person is on a quest after inspiration-it's already within that individual. And if they look hard enough-they will see it. It takes an artistic eye to look inside and envision, whatever the current state of the project-a masterpiece being created. But even if a tiny glimpse is all one can see-it's enough-isn't it? It's enough to be called inspiration-and if there is any inspiration to be found anywhere-there is inspiration to be found everywhere.  That's  one of the things I love so much about art, it's everywhere-you just gotta look.